I wish I had gotten to know you better. Maybe we all should have moved to Charlotte together and life would be very different now. Maybe Megan was right and we both, you and I, and Deron too, should have listened and left our lives in our other homes and moved there and spent many hours laughing and joyful and together. And then maybe all this would be different than the life Deron and I are now living, and the life you have now lost.
I wish I had taken the time to know you better… Because if nothing else, I believe we were cut from the same cloth. I believe I understand you in ways that I am guessing many people do not.
The last few months for me too, have been so hopeless. So sad. So lost. I have lived in the same darkness I believe you were in, and I understand wanting to be free from it. I see you as courageous for abandoning the darkness in the hope of something better. To be free of the sadness that plagues and that darkness that owns. It is a desperate kind of life, living in that sadness… I have gone days where truly the only good thing in my life has been my dog. My work. My patients. I see no hope for a better life for myself. Finances weighing me down. No way out. Sadness over all the failed relationships. Anxiety because I see such failure…
If we had known each other better, if we’d had more time, maybe we would have been there for each other and we could have given each other strength. Maybe we could have come through the darkness together. Maybe you would still be here and I would not be walking this path alone. We didn’t even know we were on it together. I am sorry I didn’t see you beside me. I am sorry you are not there now. I am sorry to have lost a kin, someone from my clan.
Love to you,
Kate
