Miserable B*tch

I just read this quote on Brin’s page-

We must free ourselves of the hope

that the sea will ever rest.

We must learn to sail in high winds.

-Aristotle Onassis

And ohmygosh did things just suddenly make sense. I have been a super grumpy unhappy girl this week. Miserable bitch. That’s the only word for it. This week has been terrible. I saw my ex’s ex who is a big part of the reason for our demise, I nearly lost it in the middle of Target. Yup, I’m being that honest. Which is really scary to say- because I seriously wanted to go and punch this girl in the face. Tell her boyfriend what kind of person she is. And her daughters’ to know what kind of woman NOT to be. Thankfully for all involved, my brother was with me. And redirected me right out of the store. But my God that punch would have felt good. My hand would have hurt like a son-of-a… but maybe all the pent up anger would have released in that one swing. Maybe not. I don’t know. What I do know is I cried and was upset and hurt and more of the anger came rushing out of me. And I do feel better. Not great, but better.

But then the week continued- my caseload got ridiculous and stupid. I have people that I am aching for because I cannot help them. Literally- my caseload is completely ridiculous and terrible and insane. Thanks PTs.    Oi. And then I ended up getting the stomach bug that’s been traveling through my department.

And while the sun has begun to shine again (literally, it rained everyday this week), and I feel better, and my patients are generally doing a little better all around, and I met with someone… I need to realize that sometimes the seas will just never calm down. They aren’t supposed to. The waves keep happening, the world keeps spinning, the sun continues to rise and set and time marches on. The question is what am I going to do about it? Sit on the boat and whine that it’s too chaotic? That the seas are too rough and I can’t handle it? Or do I accept that life is this way and figure out a way to learn to sail and survive it and enjoy it?

I think I need to figure out a way to do the latter.

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